So recently on Facebook, I came across two different posts by different women. And each one made my heart hurt just a little for each of these moms.
The first post I saw was about mom groups on Facebook. This individual had joined a mom group, and was attacked for her style of parenting, and for not thinking her children are perfect little angels all the time, every day.
First of all, I feel like we are kidding ourselves to think that our child is always well behaved, never anoying, and well disciplined twenty-four hours, seven days a week. Second of all, there is nothing wrong with sometimes being angry at their behavior. Anger is an emotion, and in my personal opinion it is better to acknowledge your emotions, than it is to repress them.
The second post I saw was innocent. A mom was asking for opinions on whether or not her older children should see a popular new movie. At the end, she said “Looking for opinions, not Judgements.” How heart breaking is that?? A mom feels like she can’t even ask opinions about a movie without being judged one way or another.
We live in this wonderful society where certain parents on the internet think they are perfect in every way, and that their children are perfect, and their parenting style is perfect. And they can’t keep their mouths shut about it. Recently there was a story about a young boy who died of rabies after being bit by a bat. Now, reading the comments on KSL’s social media pages, there was so much judgement coming from parents! It’s understandable that a big mistake was made, but is there really any need to shame the father more than he is probably already doing himself??
Why do parents do that? Why are there actual people out there who think they are better than others at being a mom or dad? And why do they feel the need to either privateky or publically shame others? Isn’t it possible that while one thing works for some, it doesn’t work for all? Isn’t it possible to just butt out or keep your mouth shut if you disagree with how someone is parenting? Or better yet, isn’t it possible to be supportive?
Being a parent is hard! And we never know anyone’s individual circumstances. Your kid might be a perfect angel, and that is great. But not all kids are like that. Just like all parents are not going to parent the same way. And even if you disagree with how someone does something, rather than telling them they do it wrong, you can say “you do you!” A great example would be co-sleeping. Personally, I can’t do it. I need my sleep, and I have a hard time sleeping with my kids in my bed. It makes me nervous! I have several friends who do co-sleep successfully. And you know what? I say, good for them! It doesn’t work for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. That doesn’t mean I condemn them for their parenting style. Kudos to them for getting all the baby snuggles, lucky dogs!
Now I will say that in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with voicing your opinion privately to a Spouse or close friend. I really think it becomes an issue when people blatantly tell a parent they are wrong, or their method is incorrect, etc. That is called sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. You can have a private opinion all you want, but let others parent how they will.
I would LOVE to see a day where we all are just supportive of one another. You don’t have to agree with something or someone to support them, and love them. Some days a parent is really overwhelmed, and the last thing they need is for a “friend” or stranger to judge them for how they are handing their child/children. So let’s all just love one another, and try to focus on our own children, and not on how others parent theirs. (However I do want to add that blatant abuse is the exception.)
So happy parenting, and remember to parent your own kids first!