Ever since Jon and I became parents, Jon has been the one who was going to school, and working more. I worked as well, but not as much, because I wanted the opportunity to be home with my son. I was always the parent at home. On April 24th, that all took a huge turn!
April 24th was the day that my career began. It was also the day that my time as a stay at home mom came to a halt. I started going to school, which has had its ups and downs (I will cover those in another post.) Three days a week I am gone all day, and Jon is in charge of taking care of Jackson, the house, and my dog.
While I love school, and I absolutley adore every one of my classsmates, I have to say it is absolutely excruciating not being with my sweet boy every day. Before I started school, I took for granted the days I got to spend with Jacks. I would often times complain about how clingy he was to me, not realizing he was bonding with me. The guilt I feel over that is something that might take me a while to get over. I took for granted the amazing time I had with him for nine months, and now I miss it more than anything, and it has only been a month!
I am absolutely thrilled that Jon gets this super fun opportunity for the next 6 months. I hope that he can spend his days with Jackson, and not feel like it is a burden. I hope that he looks at these days with our sweet son as a blessing, and a way to get to know the sweet soul that is our son. Our son has an amazing spirit, he is so happy, and would give anyone a smile. I want Jon to see that, every single day. I want him to see Jackson climbing into the toy basket, and think “dang! My son is smart!” Not “oh Jackson, why did you do that??” And be angry.
I understand that staying home all day with a 10 month old can be hard, trying, and frustrating. While it is frustrating at times, it is also so rewarding. It is rewarding to watch Jackson learn new things. The other day, on one of my rare days home, I watched as he realized he could open and close a toy cell phone. He was thrilled, and squealed with excitement every time he did it. At first, the constant squealing was anoying, but seeing him learn that was amazing. No, it wasn’t as big of an achievement as when he learned high five, but just seeing him learn something new, even if it was small, was so rewarding.
After I went back to school, Jackson became more clingy to me, and started calling me “mama.” Jon tells me that he wanders around the house saying “mama” looking in all the rooms. While that breaks my heart a little bit, I look forward to the day he says “Dada” and does the same thing.
It is so funny, because before I became a mom, before I even got married, I was convinced that I would be a high powered career woman, who put her kids in day care all day, and saw them before bed time. It is amazing to me how my goals and ideals have changed over the last few years. I definitely want a career, but now, I want a career that allows me to be a mom as well.
I love school, and I so look forward to having a career in Esthetics. While I am more than looking forward to that, I can’t wait until Jon and I switch roles yet again. Until that happens, I want Jon and Jackson to bond as much as Jackson and I have. I want Jon to see the sweetness that is our boy. To take in every smile, giggle, cry, pout, and squeal. I hope that he views every feeling of being burdened as a blessing. It is something that I wish I had done. Thankfully, life is full of wonderful, sometimes painfull lessons. I have learned patience. This stage that Jackson has been in is not my favorite, but it has taught me to be patient with him. I have also learned to enjoy all of the moments, even the messy and irritating ones. Recently, Jackson started eating little things by himself, like cheerios, and little chicken links for babies. The only negative to him feeding himself, is the fact that he makes such a mess! After his first big mess, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t feed himself again until he had more coordination (so basically, the teenage years.) At the exact same time though, it was so cute to watch him figure out that he could grab a handful of cheerios, and shove them in his mouth. It was even funnier when he learned to feed the dog. They are pretty great friends now because of that trick.
When Jon goes back to school in January, I will be back home with Jackson, but also the only one working. It will be a rough year or two while Jon finishes, but while he does, I am going to do my best to get to know, and to teach my son. Every chance I get.