Seven months ago, my life changed forever. Seven months ago, I went to the hospital anxious to become a mother. Now, seven months later, I am a mom, and I am learning more and more every day.
When Jackson turned six months old last month, I could hardly believe it. Now that he is seven months old, it had hit me that my baby boy is going to be one year old in five months! He has come so far! After having a somewhat traumatizing first week of life, Jackson has just amazed me. Every. Single. Day. I honestly can’t fathom how much he has grown and changed in so little time. My heart is so full.
As I sit writing this, I can’t help but smile at the wonderful fact that this amazing little babe chose me, an imperfect, insecure twenty-two year old, to be his mommy. I smile at the fact that every time he sees me or Jon, he gets the biggest grin on his face. I feel so much joy whenever I think of his sweet little giggle, or the cute way he teases.
I have been tentative to even write about this, but several months ago, some family friends lost their sweet little babe to SIDS. When I found out, I couldn’t help but cry. I could never imagine the kind of pain that they went through. In a few short months I am overwhelmingly attached to my boy, and I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost him. I think of his sweet smile on a daily basis, and there are days when I think of this family, and how they won’t get to see their sweet boy’s face again in this life.
Ever since that day, I have tried so hard to cherish every single moment with my child. Every morning, even when it seems impossible, or when it seems like I didn’t get nearly enough sleep, I wake up at eight o’clock, and I go into my sweet boy’s room, and the first thing he greets me with is a big smile. It is one of my favorite parts of the morning.
Since becoming a mother I just love to watch my son reach different milestones. It makes me realize just how quickly he is growing. There are times in every day that I wish that I could have two seconds to myself. Days where I wish we didn’t have to watch Goldie and Bear or Finding Dory (my son is mesmerized by cartoons haha) But generally, right as I am about to get angry or frustrated at Jackson, a small voice reminds me that it won’t be this way forever, and there will be a day where I wish I could be on the floor playing with Jackson. The fact that Jackson is already saying ‘mum mum’ and reaching for me when he is upset, is a little bit of a wake up call. I want to absorb every little snuggle, giggle, smile, and even the tantrums, because before I know it, I will be watching Jackson play basketball or baseball, or ball room dance! I want to cherish every moment I have with my little baby, before we move on to the next stage. Looking back, I wish I had cherished my moments with him as a new born more than I did.
But life isn’t about regrets, life is about moving forward. I plan on playing with my baby every chance I get, and absorbing as much as I can, because these are days I will never get back.