I’m am so happy to be back HOME! Two, almost three weeks ago, we went to Idaho to see my brother, Spencer, who was returning home after serving two years as an LDS missionary. It was so good to see my brother again, but that trip to Idaho did not go as expected!
To start, we ended up having to leave Provo a day early in order to beat a storm. Driving through Pocatello, we passed three different slide offs while driving through a fairly mild storm. Oh, I forgot to mention that from about Pocatello to Idaho Falls, Jackson was screaming, and nothing would calm him down.
Spencer’s plane was late landing on Wednesday, and didn’t land until almost 10:30 p.m., so Jackson was very cranky. The only way he would stay calm was if my aunt Jessica walked him around the air port. Later that night, after all of the pictures were taken, we all went back to my mom’s house to eat and go to bed. Spencer walked in the front door, and my dog literally goes so nuts he pees and poops all over (thankfully he didn’t get any on people, just the floor.)
That night Jon was the only one in the house who got a decent amount of sleep. Everyone else stayed up until about three in the morning talking and catching up. The next morning, Jon kissed me goodbye, got in the car, and headed about thirty minutes away to Rexburg to go to the gym and to his orthodontist appointment. On his way home he hit a slick spot and ended up crashing our car. He called me and said “don’t be mad, but I got in a car accident.” I was far from mad, I was actually very relieved that he was okay. We later found out that the car was totaled, and Jon needed to find a way home to make it to school. He was able to find a ride home with a buddy, but there was no way for us to get Jackson and all of our stuff home with us, so I ended up staying with Jackson in my parent’s basement for a week. No car, no husband, nothing. Any time I wanted to go somewhere I had to ask for a ride, simply because my parents have jobs and there is no way my brother would let me drive his jeep.
After a couple of days I started to go stir crazy. I couldn’t leave, it was just me, Jackson, my grandma, and occasionally my brother. Eventually I got very irritable. To the point where I was over sensitive to every little thing. You guys, there was one day where I literally yelled at my mom for not liking my dog’s behavior. I was seriously losing it.
To keep myself sane, I called my friend Sydney, and asked her to pretty please come save me. We went out to dinner, a Lip sense party, and had a good time. I felt like I could go back to my parents’ house and actually be happy again!
Even when I was happy, and feeling like myself again, I still felt like I wasn’t fitting into the family dynamic. I found myself feeling like an outsider in my parents’ home. Mom and Shannon went to work, Steven went to school, Dad went to work, heck even Spencer was out looking for a job. I felt like I didn’t fit in. Even in conversations with my family, I noticed that they think very differently than I do. My dad was saying rude things simply because he knew that it made me mad. We got in an argument over R rated movies, it seemed like they didn’t like my thoughts and opinions, and they didn’t want me there, even though I knew that wasn’t the case.
Every family is made up of multiple unique individuals. Every individual has different thoughts, feelings and triggers. In my family, the majority of people tend to be politically conservative, while I tend to be more liberal. My brothers love baseball, and football, my sister is a teacher, my dad a banker. I would go on into my extended family, but I don’t want to horrify you all too much. My point is, each family is different.
While I may not always feel like I fit in, I still know that they love me, my husband and my son. Being different from them is what makes our family as unique as it is. If I thought and acted exactly how they do, I wouldn’t be me, and our whole family would be different. Just like if Jon wasn’t into movies and video games, our whole relationship would be different. I think every family has that one person who isn’t quite the same, some would call that person the “black sheep.” But if every one in a family unit acted the same, what would we talk about around the dinner table? What would siblings fight about? (Granted the lack of arguing could be seen as a good thing, but you get the idea.)
Feeling like I didn’t belong totally sucked. I felt like when Spencer was gone, everything was fine and dandy, but when he came home everything changed. The family dynamic changed. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it changed in such a way that I didn’t know where I fit in anymore. Jon was amazing at listening to all of my thoughts and feelings and was extremely reassuring.
But like I said at the beginning, it is SO good to be back in Utah, and home with my own little family, where I definitely have a place.